Night harvest almost turns lethal

I was not in a confrontation with an angry elephant my friend. Nope! And neither was I caught between two lorries in an head on collision. It was worse. In fact, were it not for the good Lord above who understands that a Sufferer must eat and pay rent and dress and do all the other stuff that generally requires dough, I would be splinting firewood for Old Man Satan in his underground barbecue right now. I am lucky to have escaped with just a few broken bones and my life.
It’s not easy being a Sufferer, I always say and especially when you have friends like or rather colleagues like I have. Anyways, the unspoken rule of my profession and ilk is that you are partners when things are going okay, when you are working towards a certain goal. If things ‘smell a dog’ as we say referring to trouble, then it becomes each sufferer and his feet. That is what happened a few days ago. My friend Njuguna was walking home at around two in the morning when he came upon a car packed outside the gate of an apartment building. From the way it was, side mirrors folded in, bonnet cold, Njuguna decided that the owner must be a resident in the particular block and perhaps parking had filled up and he had to leave his car on the street.
Now, there is nothing wrong with that. However, in my neighborhood, with Sufferers like Njuguna and I sleeping hungry, that is a rather gutsy move. So quick as lightning, Njuguna dialed my phone (which I had collected in a matatu two days before).
“Hello,” I was in my third dream about food, which is what I dream of when I sleep hungry.
“Weee KM,” Njugush was sounding pretty excited. “Ndugiuke na wheel spanner na wheelbarrow kana ikunia, kwina mbeca iri haha akuhi na kwa a Maish.” I am not Kikuyu, contrary to what you might be thinking but I understand Njuguna perfectly. Since I know that you too might not be Kikuyu, I will tell you that my friend just invited me to go harvest some dough and I should take with me a wheel spanner and a wheelbarrow. He also insinuated that I should get a few blocks of stones as I passed a nearby construction site.
I did not need a second invitation. Borrowing the caretakers wheelbarrow, I was soon dashing through the darkness after retrieving the other gadget from under my mattress where I keep it as a weapon and for such occasions. In less than ten minutes, three tires were off and the car was seating comfortably on a set of stones. The fourth wheel was quite stubborn with one bolt refusing to yield even after our combined muscle power. This was a probable three thousand quick and easy cash and we were not about to give up so easily.
So, foolishly, I slid under the car and started twisting it this way and that way and sure as our genius had it, the wheel came off. However, it happened that it was also supporting a substantial weight of the vehicle which crashed down trapping one of my feet underneath. The pain was amazing my friend. I let out a howl that would have put a mating donkey to shame and of course, that alerted the watchman. In the confusion, Njuguna panicked and true to the code, took off, with the goods, leaving me at the mercy of the blood thirsty watchmen.
After a merciless beating, they let me loose from under the shell after I promised to tell them where the tires could be found. No sooner had they set me out than a miracle happened. A nearby transformer picked on that moment to explode, God bless its soul, sending a flash of light along the cables above us and the crowd scampering for safety. In the confusion, I melted into the darkness…and here we are!


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